i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
