you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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