If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
