His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
