I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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