On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
