I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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