I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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