I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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