They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
