i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
