Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
