Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
