My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
