My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
