I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
