break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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