I smell stomach acid.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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