dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
