i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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