I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
