Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
