apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
