I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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