Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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