I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
