Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think I have vodka in my lungs
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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