wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
