Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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