I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
