i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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