I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
