just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
