Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
