If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
