Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
