did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
my liver is dry heaving
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
