i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
