Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
