Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
how does that bad decision feel?
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