how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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