Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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