Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
