There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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