just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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