I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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