Where did you get a picture of my penis
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
