remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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