Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
