I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
