Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
