I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
