i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
