How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
